What I learned In My First Year Of Marriage
So I know every newlywed couple says "I can't believe how fast this year went!" when they hit their one year wedding anniversary. It seemed like the year before leading up to the wedding was the longest one of your life and then suddenly you are already a year into the marriage?? What?? Time really does fly by and I learned so much in our first year as husband and wife. I've learned a lot about myself, about Brian, and more about marriage than I was expecting. They say that the first year is one of the hardest, and if that's true, then I know I made the right choice because I love doing life with Brian and I look forward to forever with him every day, well, almost every day! ;) Here are some things I've learned in the year since becoming a wife:
Your love for your partner will become way deeper than you ever imagined. I've heard people say that nothing really changes when you get married other than the tax benefits but for me, that honestly wasn't the case. After saying "I do", my love for Brian grew exponentially. I found myself crying harder during romantic comedies, grateful for having a man who loved me unconditionally; relieved when my single friends would complain about dating in your late 20's, thankful I didn't have to play the games anymore. And especially proud to call him my husband. After marrying Brian I started to be more aware of my own mortality, something I hadn't really ever put much thought into before. The longing I suddenly felt to live as long as he does and not a day longer was surprising to me but is all too real. I always said I couldn't imagine my life without him, but now being married to him, these words ring true more than ever.
Try to greet your spouse at the end of the day with a smile. Now I don't mean for this one to sound all 1950's "Good House Wife" on you, but it really is something worth considering. Brian and I have this goofy tradition we do at the end of the day depending on who gets home first. When we see the other pulling into the driveway after work, we will run to the nearest window and we wave to each other, arms flailing in the air like a couple of goofballs and it ends up making us both laugh. Sometimes I even throw in this awkward little jig just to make him laugh harder. lol! Obviously some days we are preoccupied with dinner or watering the flowers after work, but we both always try and make a point to show each other we are so happy to be home together again. It's a little gesture like this that helps keep our bond strong and gives us a good laugh to start our evening.
Pick and choose your battles. This is something I didn't really "learn" rather than understood it's more important than ever. Don't get me wrong, I know I can be difficult sometimes and Brian has his moments too, but deciding what is really worth the fight will save you not only time and hurt feelings, but will also strengthen your marriage. Brian loves to leave his dirty socks anywhere other than in the hamper, but instead of nagging to him each time, I just pick them up and toss them in the hamper. Yeah it's annoying, but is it worth arguing over? Not really. By realizing that the little things aren't always the big things, it will help keep your marriage happy and strong. But don't get me wrong, if he leaves his socks on my kitchen island, then I say something cause that's just gross. LOL
Keep the romance alive. This one is one of the most important. Now that you're married, it's so important to continue dating your spouse. It's easy to get out of the habit, but try not to. Keep with up date nights, leave little notes for them to find in their lunch box, or serenade them with song lyrics that make you think of them. Small gestures like these can make the biggest impact. Brian is romantic in the non-traditional sense. He was never one with words, rather he loves to let song lyrics do the talking for him. He will hold me close and sing songs to me that remind him of me while we slow dance in our kitchen and it melts my heart every time. He knows what makes me happy and I am so appreciative to have a husband who still looks at me the way he does, even after being together as a couple for 5 years now.
And finally, cherish every moment. Life is so short and it's important to remember this when marriage gets hard. One of my favorite memories from our wedding weekend was actually the morning after the wedding. We all had a little too much to drink the night before and I was sick in the bathroom before our post-wedding brunch. Brian came into the bathroom with me and held my hair back while giving me a hard time, which made me laugh and we just sat there on the bathroom floor for like an hour talking about the night before and how much fun we had, how we didn't even get to eat our own cake, and about the hilarious dance moves of our closest friends and family. It was such a small moment between us but it's one I remember so vividly about my wedding. It was our conversation that had me laughing and crying and reminded me how much I loved Brian and how happy I was to call that man my husband, and to hold his hand and feel his wedding band against mine.
We are two people who chose to make a commitment to each other for the rest of our lives and while our relationship may have it's downs, there will always be more ups because of how we treat each other. At the end of the day, your spouse is your life partner and they should be the most important thing in your life. When your kids are grown and you're old and gray, it's your spouse who will be right next to you, holding your hand, and because of that, you should give them all the love they could ever dream of. <3
Photos by: Burtco Weddings